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Improving the Relationship with your Son, Part 1: Your Schedule

A guest blog by Joshua Kissee M.Ed, Founder of Manbuilders.com 

“Worry not about the high cost of building men…but be concerned about the high cost of failing to do so.” – Texas Prison Museum Wall Poster

Joshua Kissee M.Ed
Joshua Kissee M.Ed

So you have heard a hundred new year’s resolutions that are available. Even I recently posted on ManBuilders.com an article on Making a Commitment Pledge to Your Son. Your time is one of the most valuable things you can ever give to your son.

That’s great and motivational, but now what?

The mission of ManBuilders.com is to provide practical articles that will aid parents & those charged with the responsibility of raising boys with the tools they need. Note

In this first of four part series on improving the relationship with your son, we focus on reviewing your current schedule, looking for gaps/weaknesses, and getting organizing in preparation for strategic scheduling with your son.

In 2013, I started releasing the first of a series of books designed to provide practical guidance and real activities, skills, lessons, events, and ideas that can be used with your son on his journey to becoming a man. To get started, we are providing the framework that you can begin to apply right now to start making progress with your son as you build him into a man.

Think about this like you would complete a project or trying to reach a goal. How do you get there? Is it one big leap or many small advances?

Often times, it is the little things that we do repeatedly that build up on our son(s).

The Law of Proactive Scheduling will be your best friend 4.27.14aand has been the single greatest secret in my tool chest for scoring victories with my son(s). Here is the secret: Don’t just make the time,plan the time. Put it on the calendar and commit to doing it!

Do you have a schedule? Maybe you have not been this organized. I wasn’t and that’s ok. The irony is that I am very organized in the workplace and often serve as a project manager leading a variety of information technology projects. I know what it takes to be organized when I wear my workplace hat. However, my Strategic Father hat was not nearly as organized and it needed to be.

Think about what you’re recurring commitments are in a month and ask yourself these questions:

  1. What does my work schedule normally look like? (e.g. Monday through Friday, 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.
  2. What nights /days do I have commitments that I have to or really should attend? (e.g. Sports games, sports practices, community service, church, date nights, etc)
  3. What nights / days do I have commitments that I like to attend, but could drop if needed? (e.g. Hanging out with a friend,  thirsty Thursday, adult softball league, etc)
  4. When do I like to rest and unwind? (e.g. Sunday afternoons, Tuesday nights, etc)

After you have reviewed your schedule, look for areas where you have free time. If you have very little free time, think about what you could drop that is not benefiting the relationship with your son. Perhaps you have been selfish in a certain area of your life. Replacing that selfish activity via quality time with your son is an investment that will pay long-term dividends.

Seriously, be real. Let me explain.

You are not superman or superwoman. There are only so many hours in the day. When I attempt to find time slots that I could spend with my son and place them too close to work or other activities that keep me busy, I am more stressed because things happen and time runs over. Sometimes you are:


So be real. Do not write down potential time slots as “free time” if they are stacked too close to other activities that might cause you to stress, be late, or otherwise let down your son. I have let down each of my 5 sons more than once and it is a terrible feeling. Sometimes, things just happen and you really couldn’t help it. Write down free time that has a good chance of really happening.

Take Action:

  • Low-tech. Buy a cheap, 22 x 17 inch calendar. The At-a-glance Helping Handscalendar is a great option and can be found for under $5 on Amazon.com. I recommend this calendar as the days have lines that you can write in easily. The advantage with this method is that it is quick to use, cheap, and easy to come buy. No matter where you are in the world, this will work. No internet connection required.
  • Medium-tech. Use a calendar service such as Google CalendarMicrosoft Outlook, or Mozilla Sunbird. The Google Calendar and Mozilla Sunbird applications are free, web-based utilities that live in the cloud. Microsoft Outlook must be purchased, but can also be installed on your Mac, PC, tablet, or smart phone.
  • High-tech. If you have an Apple iPad or Android-based tablet, consider using a good calendar app. There are truly hundreds to choose from. However, my recommendation is to use the built-in calendar feature and synchronize this with your Google Calendar or Microsoft Outlook calendar. You can read Michael Hyatt’s How to Setup Google Calendar on Your iPhone as a quick and easy resource to get configured. This way you have both mobile and pc/mac access to your calendar with reminders if needed. A great article on using high-tech means to keep your life in sync is found on the Time Management Ninja website, titled 12 Apps to Keep Your Life in Sync and is worth a review.

In my next post, I will review the second in our four-part series, The Power of a One-on-One. The article will be filled with a variety of ideas you can start using immediately when spending your newly scheduled time with your son.

How do you find time in your schedule to meet with your son? Any tips to share with the community?

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