Hi I’m a stepdad to a six year old little little girl for about two years now I’ve been a weekend dad for a while but now she’s moving in with us and I’m freaking out! HELP! Haha… I just need as much advice as I can get me and her are very close but this is new for me can u give me some essential advice or please post something on your page about the essential stepdad advice and tips so I can get as much knowledge as I can! Thank u -Austin James
Congratulations Austin. You’re already ahead of the pack because you understand you get better results from ‘Ready AIM, Fire” than you do from ‘Ready FIRE, Aim.’ Single mom marriages have a success rate of less than 30%. Yes, its important to be prepared. You asked for it, so be ready for a list of homework assignments.
Subscribe to Stepdadding’s Facebook page and Twitter feed. This will give you your daily dose of information and inspiration. When you have a challenging day you’ll be reminded you’re not alone and assure you, You Can Do This!
The biggest mistake new couples make is to ignore the importance of discussing the new Stepdad’s role. Biological parents rarely agree on how to raise kids, so it’s understandable that moms and a Stepdads frequently bump heads about how to raise the kids. so….
Homework assignment #2
Check out the FAQ page. This will give you an introduction to the questions most new Stepdads ask.
Knowledge is power. The research shows the more you know about what to expect the better your odds of success. Most Stepdad’s have a very negative experience. Understanding what those men went through will help you be better prepared when you run into the same challenges.
Check out the results of the Stepdad Survey. You’ll learn what other Stepdads have experienced and find out what divorced Stepdads say caused them to quit.
Nothing is more important than making sure you’re on the same page as your wife. Have those vital talks with her. Define exactly what role she wants you to play. There’s a complete outline for how to have this conversation in The Stepdad’s Guide, as well as a list of things to cover.
The Biological father may react badly to you. It’s vital to understand the emotional vulnerabilities many biological fathers struggle with. When a man takes on a full-time parent role with his child, men often struggle with feeling territorial and jealous. Have a conversation to alleviate his concerns and improve your working relationship. This will lay the ground-work for YEARS of positive co-parenting. So take the time to build a bridge.
Homework Assignment #4
Build a bridge with the bio-dad. You can find a good outline in this article.
Finally- Most of what we learn comes from talking with others who’ve been there -done that! So commit to continued growth as a Stepdad and parent.
Chime in on articles you read on Stepdadding. Share your perspective. It might help other dads.
Share Facebook posts with your friends if you feel they were helpful to you. You never know which friends may be preparing for a Stepdad journey of their own.
Most importantly: Raise Them Like You Made Them!
Good luck, Austin. Be calm and Stepdad On!