There’s a widely-held belief that kids should be the top priority for parents. But the evidence shows it may not be that simple. When couples shift too much focus from the passion and connection that brought them together they begin to feel less of a connection as a couple. When parents feel disconnected the whole family suffers.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed nowadays. Raising kids,
a full-time job, and keeping up on the bills can make parents pulled in many directions. Couples are busier than ever. When parents are stressed out or overwhelmed they begin to grasp to find more time in their day. Unfortunately they often find extra time by neglect their relationship. Date nights go away and the sex life starts to fade. As their passion begins to erode couple feel less connected.
Passion Sneaks Away
What’s worse is it’s not always obvious when passion begins to fade . It’s a lot like the way the banks of a river change over time. The changes are subtle at first so we don’t notice. But over years it becomes obvious things are quite different. It’s not unusual for a large emotional gap to form before couples notice the erosion in their relationship. What could have been prevented by putting marriage first, now requires a lot of extra work to get back what you’ve lost.
A solid marriage is at the center of every strong family. A couple’s love and passion are like a flowering plant. If you don’t nurture it, eventually it won’t bloom. If you neglect it too long it will wilt and die.
The end of most marriages usually begins with the emotional gap. In my practice of coaching couples
an emotional gap is nearly always something the couples are struggling with. They usually know the gap is there, but most don’t understand that it could have been avoided through regular care and nurturing of their love.
Marriage First, Kids Second?
There’s a false belief that putting your relationship first means you’re putting your kids second. It’s more complex than that. By spending time to nurture your relationship you’re investing in the future of your kids. Isn’t that wonderful… a date night with your spouse is fun, but your kids benefit from it too! That’s a double benefit.
When I was a kid I would stay with a sitter on new years but my mother would always bring back funny hats and noise makers. I didn’t get to go to the party but I benefited from it. That’s how it is with couples who take care of their relationship. When parents set aside time to preserve their love and connection the whole family wins.