Stepdaughter Asks What To Do About Angry Stepdad
Dear Stepdad,
I’m not sure if you have ever had a question from a stepchild but I’m actually a stepdaughter of 17 years give or take. I’m just exhausted and not sure where to turn. My Stepdad and I have always had a rocky relationship. Mostly because his uniform response to frustration and stress is flying into a rage and yelling, screaming, insulting, dirty looks, threats, throwing things you name it. It isn’t all those at once but always yells. For things like a cup got spilled, (sometimes he’s the one who does it), someone left a glass in the downstairs, etc. You get the idea. He refuses to change this. I get the “it’s my house” response. Which I can appreciate that this is his house but I feel like I should get a certain baseline level of respect and consideration that any human being deserves. Am I crazy? Am I out of line for expecting that? I’m 25 now so ordinarily I could just not come around but I’m a single mom and had to temporarily move home so now I’m back in that environment again. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely appreciate they gave me a place to stay but when he gets like that it’s stressful and miserable. I’m afraid they are going to make me leave just because I don’t want to be yelled at. Please what can I do? –Vicktoryao
Vick,
It sounds like your mom picked the wrong guy. You may have had to deal with his irrational behavior when you were a child, but now you’re an adult. The issues you’re dealing with at home aren’t yours, they’re his. He seems to be harboring anger about something and isn’t good at expressing it. Instead of talking about what’s bothering him, he lashes out.
Many wives block their (Stepdad) husbands from having a voice in the way the kids are raised. It’s frustrating to have your opinions disregarded. Because of this, many of these guys grow to feel like second-class citizens in their own home. This may be the issue he’s dealing with. Whatever it is, it’s his to resolve. It’s not your responsibility.
Your most important responsibility is to your child. Your mother’s home is not a good environment. Most Stepdads are good guys but this guy doesn’t make the list. He’s got a lot to sort out. Don’t continue to leave yourself open to his unkindness. Find a way to move out as soon as possible.
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5 Comments
Ethan Morin
April 8, 2019My stepdad is not like your normal stepdad he gets upset over the smallest things like wearing shorts outside because you couldn’t change at school so now I am in trouble and I already am in trouble for lying so I have been looking up ways to not lie so I need help on how to deal with him. 😉
JoelWHawbaker
March 17, 2020I’m sorry, and that’s a difficult spot to be in! Keep in mind that stepdads are in a difficult spot as well, and try to be respectful of the rules even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. Having said that, it’s also ok to want to have a conversation with your parents (and stepparents) about those rules to see if compromises can be reached.
Jackie hammack
July 29, 2020I somehow push my stepdad’s buttons and he gets angry with me I sometimes yell at my mom to get up and go to the store he comes in and yells at me I told him he yells at her and tells her he is going to divorce her he gets in my face tells me to shut up it’s been a long time since I smacked you I hate him and he is a s*** he takes my stuff away how can I deal with him
admin
December 18, 2020I’m sorry to hear of the difficult situation with your stepdad, and I hope that it has gotten better. The first thing to understand is that if this has been going on for a while, then it will probably take a while to get better so be prepared to revisit this. Second, I would try to find a counselor that would be able to sit down with your mom and your stepdad and try to help them understand what is causing these issues. Third, I would consider going to see the counselor with them if they are willing. The problems you mentioned are not insurmountable, but they are difficult, and so I recommend that you get a third party to help. Good luck!
Jackie
December 6, 2020Sounds like your stepdad is mental my stepdad gets angry at me sometimes he even gets angry at my mother telling her that if she don’t get out of the bed and does things like go to the store he will divorce her like that is going to make her do that I wish you the best luck