I’m the Real Dad – Bio-Dad Has Question

I'm the Real Dad - Bio-Dad Has Question

I’m the bio-dad. I have joint custody, no child support, and a parenting schedule of one week on/one week off. Every time the kids’ mother and I are in the process of co-parenting the negotiations fall apart as she abruptly defers decisions regarding our children to her new husband. This is the same guy she introduced to our children as their new dad while we were still married. The same guy who beat my children with his belt, eventually sending my youngest home with bruises and lacerations on his legs from his hips to his ankles. The incident gave me enough ammo to incur an investigation by police and children’s services. The same guy who sends me vitriolic texts stating he’s making up for my lack as a father. Needless to say I’m the difficult bio-dad in their minds. But, so long as I have just as much custody and spend equal time with my kids, step dad needs to butt out when it comes to decisions regarding my children. He doesn’t have children of his own, so he’s clueless about being a “father”. As far as I’m concerned it’s the step dads who make things difficult by attempting to be something they’re not. –The “Real” Dad


I agree with your attitude about this guy. If you’ve read any of the articles 8-16-13here you should already understand Stepdadding.com’s not an anti-father site. We’re a pro-kid & pro-family site. You seem to be the one parent who’s looking out for your kids’ best interest. Your ex-wife is weak. She lacks the self-confidence to carry herself as a strong mother. Women with this personality type find themselves attracted to men who appear to be strong. These guys are often just men with a bullying personality. She chose a bad guy. In doing this she’s subjected your kids to his dysfunctional and abusive household.

You said you don’t pay child support. I assume it’s because you have 50% custody. It’s time to work towards full custody! You’re the only person in their lives who has the right dad-itude. Continue quietly building a case against your ex. Collect information that shows she’s created a bad environment for the kids. If there’s a police report get a copy of it. Take pictures of any marks left on the kids. Record any conversations you have with your ex and her new husband. Even interview the kids on camera. Make sure to note the dates of each of these events. File a complaint with family services (or the appropriate legal system where you live). If needed, you can submit the evidence to the authorities there. Talk to a judge to have the custody agreement reviewed. If your current agreement is just verbal then seek full custody right away. In some cases you can ask for emergency custody when there’s a evidence of abuse. Protect your kids!

I understand your emotion about this situation, but be careful. Bashing Stepdads as a group doesn’t make you look like a better dad. You can’t judge an entire group by the actions of one fool. Using that method we’d have to conclude the entire human race is evil. There are plenty of bad fathers out there. Many don’t financially support their kids or even visit them. There many fathers who act just like this guy does. DNA doesn’t make a dad. Love and genuine care for a child does. Right now you’re the one person looking out for your kids’ best interest. Use the anger and frustration you feel to focus on the goal of defeating those who are hurting them. You’re a good man in a bad situation. Be the kind of dad you know a dad should be. You’ll never regret doing the right thing. Go be the best dad you can be.

-The Stepdad


  1. The "real" Dad
    August 19, 2013

    Thank you for your kind hearted reply. Indeed my angst riddled post was a broad brush. My apologies to the step dads unfairly pigeonholed by my rant.

    I was raised by an adopted father, the “realest” dad I could have ever been blessed to have, as my bio-dad willingly seceded his paternal rights. I met bio-dad when I turned 18. It was comforting only in the sense of identity. I had a genetic premise to draw upon that had been missing my entire childhood. Bio-dad died ten years later in a car accident. I’m grateful to have met him.

    My current wife has a daughter who calls me dad; meaning my scathing post inculcated myself (the irony). My “step-daughter’s” dad is a frustrating bloke to say the least, but I find myself being his champion in spite of his antics. I feel it’s important she always knows her “real” dad. I can handle his nonsense much like I do my ex-wife’s husband. What’s important is that she grows never having to wonder who he is.

    Thank you for a forum to share. Namaste.

    • The_Step_Dad
      August 19, 2013

      Glad to help. No worries on the rant. Good dads carry a heavy load. It's natural to be indignant when your kid's being treated badly. Keep working to gain custody. Protecting our kids is the most important thing we do as parents. Follow us on Facebook and on Twitter, for daily information & inspiration. Most of our posts are focused on being a good parent -not just being a good step-parent.


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