I like to date single moms. Is that normal?

I like to date single moms. Is that normal?

 I seem to date single moms all the time but not really into girls without kids.  I don’t know why but I’m just drawn to single moms. In fact I’ll bend over backwards for a single mom and completely blow off a girl who doesn’t have kids. Is it normal for a guy to be so into single moms but not to interested in girls without kids? What’s up with that?  -mitch14

Many men find themselves attracted to single moms. There are a lot or reasons for this –some good and some bad. There’s certainly nothing wrong with finding single moms appealing if it’s for the right reasons.

Some of the reasons guys say they find single moms attractive are:

  • They are more approachable than many other women
  • They are affectionate and caring in nature
  • Single moms are family centered
  • They are past the party girl stage
  • Single moms seem appreciative
  • They are more mature than other women their age

Men who are interested in family and stability sometimes find single moms irresistible if they have a nurturing personality. Many do. If a man is looking to have a family, it’s natural that he’s drawn to a woman with that attribute. He may not ever realize that it’s a form of nesting behavior for him -but it just might be. Men have been partnering with single mothers since recorded history. George Washington married a single mother and raised her daughter and son as his own –never having any other children. In about 39 BC Julius Caesar married a single mother of two and her son Tiberius, who ultimately became the second Emperor of Rome. In fact, Webster’s has a great book that details stepfathers throughout recorded history. It’s not a new phenomenon that men find fertile women exciting. There’s something undeniable about the appeal, even if we can’t put on our finger on exactly what it is.

Unfortunately some men also find single moms an easy target. Women in this group are sometimes vulnerable and lonely. Men with less than honorable intentions can find this appealing since these ladies may be less picky about the company they keep. Some men might also believe that single moms are more promiscuous than women who don’t have kids. There’s no research I’m aware of which supports that belief. I went looking for a study on the subject and I found a single mom’s forum, which posed the question ‘How long since you had sex?” The majority of the respondents said three months or longer. It’s not exactly scientific but it is an interesting indicator.

The truth is –single moms are women with the same feelings as any woman. They are all individuals and each is as unique as a snowflake –like everyone else. Single moms actually have motivating reasons to be pickier about the men they let into their lives.  They have their children at the center of their world. It’s natural for them to run all decisions around that fact. I was raised by a woman who had at least three offers to marry but chose not to because she felt her four sons were her first responsibility. Single moms are often willing to sacrifice their happiness for the happiness and safety of their kids. These ladies can be much more grounded than single women who don’t have kids. This quality can also be appealing to good men.

Along with the good there is usually the bad. Men who are attracted to single moms should make sure they are there for the right reasons. Some men find single moms irresistible because they want to help them. These men find happiness in saving a damsel in distress. The term for this behavior in psychology is White Knight Syndrome. A definition for White Knight Syndrome can be found at PsychologyToday.com:

White knights are men and women who enter into romantic relationships with damaged and vulnerable partners, hoping that love will transform their partner’s behavior or life. Though most white knights feel that they are selfless and sacrificing, their rescuing behavior is often misguided. Problems arise when white knights care for their partners at the expense of their own needs, encounter destructive behavior, or try to control their partners.

Men love to feel like Superman when we can. We love to come to the rescue. But many men with good hearts and good intentions find themselves in relationships with women who can’t be rescued. Sometimes it’s not about the woman herself but the situation she’s in. Maybe she’s got a brutal ex husband who intends to spend the next 18 years making her miserable for forcing him to pay child support. Even if you are Superman, you just can’t fix that. If you are interested in a single mom, make sure it’s for the right reasons. Being miserable with her won’t make her happier with her life. It will only make you unhappy with yours.

 

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